Jewish mourning traditions include the practice of sitting shiva by immediate mourners. Shiva, meaning “seven,” refers to the seven-day period during which mourners abstain from work and social events and participate in prayer services and other traditions as they grieve the loss of their loved one. Some mourners may choose to sit shiva for a shorter duration (e.g., one day, three days, etc.), so it is best to check with the funeral home or a family member to confirm when and for how long shiva will be observed.

During this time, mourners focus solely on their grief and do not concern themselves with distractions, including their outward appearance. They sit on low stools or chairs, cover mirrors in their homes, and refrain from grooming practices such as shaving (for men). Family, friends, and community members visit to express their condolences by paying a shiva call.

What does it mean to sit shiva?

Quite literally, immediate mourners sit on low stools, chairs, or boxes to symbolize their grief. Those visiting during this period wait for the mourner to initiate conversation, share stories about the deceased, and keep their visits brief. As it is customary to ensure that mourners are provided with food, those paying a shiva call may bring a food item or send a meal.

What is it customary to bring or send?

If you would like to bring or send something to a house of shiva, Legacy Concierge, LLC recommends a small food item, such as chocolate-covered pretzels, a platter of sweets, or a deli or bagel platter. If sending food, it is advisable to ask the family about dietary restrictions or allergies, as some items may contain allergens. It is also recommended to check the family’s level of kosher observance. While many families do not wish to receive flowers, you may choose to send a plant, as it is a living item.

Additional meaningful gestures include planting a tree in memory of the deceased, making a donation to a charity of significance, or sending a condolence note.

What Should One Do Upon Entering a House of Shiva?

Typically, the house of shiva will have an open front door, so it is customary not to ring the doorbell. Upon entering, visitors may see mourners seated lower than others, and traditionally, those paying a shiva call wait for the mourner to speak to them before offering condolences or sharing stories. Shiva calls are intended to be brief, and in many cases, the mourners will specify particular times when they are accepting visitors.